Travel is so paradoxical at times. I've been out of America for well over a year now. Although it's gone by in the blink of an eye, I feel as if I've been gone for a lifetime. I'm two weeks away from my own bed and time seems to be moving at a glacial speed.
Then I start to think of everything I've missed while I've been away... Concerts, baseball games, celebrations, mournings, engagements, weddings, births, deaths, funerals, reunions, holidays. And truth be told, I feel incredibly selfish for leaving everyone at home.
After I said goodbye to Liana today, I was so sad. Then I went online and saw the Cardinals won the World Series and I felt alone for the first time in a long time. As pathetic as it sounds, I sat and cried in the middle of the airport as a rush of emotions went through me.
But then I started to think of what I experienced over the past 14 months. The people I met, the things I saw and the memories I made. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I'm so incredibly grateful for everything I've seen, but I also realize I have so much to look forward to when I get home; it's a bit overwhelming. I'm so fortunate for all the experiences I've had abroad, but perhaps I've even more fortunate to return home to such amazing people.
So this is my formal apology. As goofy as it sounds, and though it's doesn't make any difference, an apology to the Cardinals for missing such a remarkable season. My heart absolutely burst when I read that they won the series, but I felt such a disconnect from the team (and home) because that's all I could do... read the results. To my friends and family, anyone and everyone that I've been away from and missed the chance to say these things to in person.
I've been on an incredible path of self-discovery and finally the date to come home is within reach. Although I still have some discovering to do, both within myself and around the world, I don't think I'll be gone for such an extended period of time ever again. I can't make up for my absence, but I can promise that I will do my best to never miss these opportunities again.